Kid comparison

My son went to the doctor the other day. It was nothing big, a check-up and some routine shots.

What intrigued me was what my husband reported when the two of them returned home (that's right, I have an awesome husband who is willing to do that kind of stuff). He must have spent 30 minutes relaying to me other people's reactions to our son.

Let me clarify. Gus doesn't really see other little kids that much. Well, hardly at all, really. He doesn't go to daycare and we don't know many people with children his age. But at only a year old (actually, 15 months, but I try to avoid being one of those annoying moms who counts in months), I don't see a big need to get my son out and "socialized." He gets plenty of interaction with his dad and me. And the neighbors. And the dog. We'll worry about other kids when he gets older.

That said, my son did get hit on by an older girl at the doctor's office. Another toddler kept walking up to him, trying to hand him a book and repeatedly saying "hi." She was small; she barely came up to my son's nose. Gus wasn't sure what to do. He knows how to say a few words, but "hi" is not one of them.

The girl's mother and grandmother kept staring at my silent son like he had some kind of disorder. My husband started making small talk with them, and soon they asked, "So how old is your son?" 

"Fifteen months," my husband replied. The women exchanged looks of disbelief. Their little girl was 2.

It happened again in the patient room. The nurse asked my husband some routine questions:

"Is your son talking yet?" 

Yes, a few words.

The nurse is pleased.
 

"What kinds of foods is he eating?" 

Oh, just about everything we eat. He really likes bananas, yogurt, meatloaf ...

The nurse is impressed.

"Does he do patty cake?"
No.
A look of vague concern.

"Does he know any body parts?"
Um, not really.
More vague concern.

"Wow, he's really strong!" It took two nurses to pin him down to give him his shots.
My husband explained that Gus regularly plays tug-of-war with the dog.

Upon hearing all this, at first, I got a little indignant with the doctor. Patty cake? Provided I could get Gus to sit still long enough to learn it, why on earth would I teach my little boy a girlie game like patty cake? And body parts? At 15 months? Really?

Of course, I realize doctors have to have some standard of the "average" kid, or else they would never be able to tell if a child was developmentally challenged in some way. But of course, as a mother the talons tend to come out when someone implies that your kid isn't perfect.

I also realized that I was kind of smug when Sam was telling me about Gus' little girlfriend. I kept thinking, "Wow, our son is so ahead of the game. Those ladies were impressed." But it's not like their child was stunted somehow.

Why do we always have to compare our kids to other kids? All parents do it. It's natural. But it's so easy to get caught up in comparing, and worrying about whether our kid fits the status quo, that sometimes we forget to notice what makes our child so special.

"Should my son be doing patty cake?" I wondered. "Should he know body parts? Why can't I get him to wave or clap?"

But it's occurred to me that maybe he just doesn't care about doing those things. Instead, he'd rather learn how to turn the pages of a book. Or walk backwards and sideways. Or climb up and down on the couch. Or discover new ways of harassing the dog.

He is interested in what Mom and Dad are doing. He loves trying new foods. He is devoted to figuring out how things work, and is always on the move. He has his own skills, his own personality.

He's my son, and I'm glad he's breaking the standard.